A sickly baby

Madison is sick again! This time with a virus/sore throat. The strep test came back negative so it just needs to work itself out of her system - no meds. To make matters worse I had to really guess this time as to whether or not she was sick. She doesn't get fevers, still sleeps well and still eats well. So my only sign was the screaming during diaper changes, a foggy look in her eyes and mom instinct.  So to play the guessing game again, when those symptoms stop I'm guessing she will be better. Which is when I then can send her back to school. For now we are home.

The foggy look.

My poor baby feels so awful she fell asleep as I held her last night. Usually she just wants down and to fall asleep on her own but tonight she needed me and I just rocked her. As I stood there loving every second of the cuddling I started to get pangs of guilt. I thought, "she is only cuddling with me cause she feels awful and I am feeling happy we are cuddling again, this is not right." Then I remedy the situation and think "I really don't want her to feel bad and I really do wish she was better and sleeping on her own" and then the guilt is fortunately gone and I am back to being a good mom.  I feel this was my catholic guilt upbringing rearing its ugly head as I raise my own, scary thought.


I also need to mention that I am by myself with a sick Madison AGAIN because Bret is out of town AGAIN. He is always out of town.  I feel he is always out of town when she is sick AND on garbage night as well. This was always one of his "jobs" and I seem to be doing it more often now. So as I told him, I must be one fantastic mother. I guess I will just pat myself on the back, haha and continue with my day.